walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
