i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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