Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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