The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
