they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
