Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
