Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
