If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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