Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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