Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it glows. i had to have it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
