I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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