Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
