All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
