Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
