Do you still have your period?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
