woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
