Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
