oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You don't make any sense
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