I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
