im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
