Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
