is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
