Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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