I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
