wanna go halves on a baby?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
