i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize