Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
