How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
