Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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