Apparently you make a good broom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
