Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize