Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize