she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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