I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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