It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
