i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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