I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
