have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
