And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
