I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
