He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
