I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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