i can't believe i had my finger in that
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
