I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
