and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
