I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
