I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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