Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
