you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
