my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
