All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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