I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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