You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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