so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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