Non-Jews are for practice
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize