i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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