WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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