Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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