i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
