So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
