so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
