you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
