did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
