Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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