I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
