I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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